help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
