Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
