I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
