Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
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I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
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Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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