The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
