So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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