Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
