I'm so fucking centered right now
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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