i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
