nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
