I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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