Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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