dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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