yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
