My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
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He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
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We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize