I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
