But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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