I'm gonna have a badass scar
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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