I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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