Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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