woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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