Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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