That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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