I cockslap morals
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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