My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
