We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
