I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
