i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
