Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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