i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
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