fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
