You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
