Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
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