I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
the raccoons are back...
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