why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
