why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
We had sex on a dog bed..
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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