which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
