She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
