I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
We were destined to go to rehab together
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
