I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
