Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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