dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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