Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
