What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?Â
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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