She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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