I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
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