masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
