Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
