Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Never joke about your clitoris.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
