you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
