If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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