so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
