you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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