oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
