I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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