totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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