It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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