why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Dear god my vagina.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
