I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
