I faked an abortion last night.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
What a dumb baby whore.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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