I hate all girls vehemently.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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