I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
We talked him into tasing himself.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I have aggressive nipples.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
