I must be too annoying 4 u.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
