I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
